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Guides

How to Support a Loved One With Depression

Watching someone you love sink into depression is painful and confusing. You cannot fix it for them, but steady, practical support can make it easier for them to get help and keep going.

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The short answer

Stay connected, listen more than you advise, and gently encourage professional help. Offer specific, practical support, such as a ride, a meal or sitting with them while they make a call. Take any talk of suicide seriously, and look after your own health along the way.

Things that help

Saying you have noticed they seem down and you care
Listening without rushing to solutions
Inviting them to small activities without pressure
Helping with one concrete task, such as booking an appointment
Checking in regularly, even with a short text
Learning about depression so it makes more sense

Things that tend not to help

Telling them to cheer up or snap out of it
Comparing their situation to people who have it worse
Taking withdrawal or irritability personally
Trying to be their only source of support

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Talking about getting help

You might say: I have been worried about you, and I think talking to someone could help. Would you let me help you find a therapist? Offer to look at profiles together. If they are not ready, keep the door open and raise it again later.

If you are worried about safety

If your loved one talks about wanting to die, giving things away, or having a plan, do not leave them alone. Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or call 911. It is okay to ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide. Asking does not put the idea in their head.

Caring for yourself

Supporting someone with depression is tiring. Keep up your own routines and friendships, set limits on what you can give, and consider talking to a therapist yourself. You will be more help to them if you are not running on empty.

When the person is a teen or an older parent

Depression can look different at different ages. Teens may seem irritable or withdrawn rather than sad. Older adults may describe tiredness, aches or losing interest and assume it is just aging. In both cases a gentle conversation and a visit with a clinician who knows that age group is a good next step.