Teens on the Spectrum and Establishing Friendships

Developing and maintaining friendships in the middle school and high school years presents as a challenge for most teens, but for those on the Autism Spectrum, the challenges are usually even greater. When kids are younger, parents and even teachers generally help with ensuring social connections by doing things such as arranging play dates or not allowing the distribution of birthday party invitations to only some in the classroom. However, when they enter into the pre-teen and teen years, kids usually form their own friend groups based on such things as interests. Given the nature of such intensely focused interests or preoccupations of those on the spectrum, they may find it difficult to integrate with other teens during their middle and high school years. Moreover, reading subtle social cues, reading body language and facial expressions, and getting things such as jokes are inherently nonintuitive for those on the spectrum, making this even more challenging. Other things that frequently go along with ASD, such as stimming, additionally contribute to the challenge of integrating with other teens, as the other teens may perceive the ASD teen as different. While most pre-teens and teens desperately want to fit in, many if not most on the spectrum are no different. Due to some of the above-mentioned challenges they may face, teens on the spectrum frequently face feelings of isolation, rejection, low self esteem, and often sadness and anxiety. Thus, it is important for parents, family members and even teachers/educators to set them up for success as much as possible.

What can we do to help pre-teens and teens on the spectrum integrate and develop meaningful friendships? It's first important to ask them how they think and feel about it and whether they would like to have friends and be more integrated with peers, and understand why. Some on the spectrum crave friendships and sadly, feel alone, while others are happy being more to themselves. For those that desire friendships, modeling and role playing can be effective in teaching them how to do things such as initiate and maintain conversations with others. Encourage them to go out of their comfort zone by initiating rather than waiting to be approached by others. They can do things such as go and sit with a student they see sitting alone in the cafeteria and begin a conversation. Additionally, teach your child to stand up for themselves if you see them getting taken advantage of or being bullied. This will likely help with their self esteem. Thirdly, because most teens want to blend in rather than stand out, it is helpful to ensure they fit in with their appearance. This includes hygiene issues and attire. It's often a bonus if they have a sibling who is in the know when it comes to things such as pop culture, trends, etc. with their age group. Another way for them to make connections is to help them get involved in extra-curricular activities. These may be through school clubs/organizations, school sports, or community activities such as acting classes or group tennis lessons. These may just be starting points for activities they may really learn to enjoy and develop, while also allowing them to be part of a group of peers that will hopefully foster enhancement of social skills and friendships. Encouragement to push outside of their comfort zones from supportive adults and siblings can be very important.

While this topic warrants more attention, these are simply a few things you can do to assist your teen in making and developing friends. Other resources are available to help pre-teens and teens such as individual therapy and group therapy (which can help with social skills in a group setting). Sugar Land Counseling Center offers both of these therapies. We have an ongoing middle school group and a high school group and hope to help kids, teens, and all on the spectrum. Sugar Land Counseling Center also provides psychological testing to determine diagnosis of Austism Spectrum Disorder.