How to Better Communicate With Your Teenager

Assertive Communication

Learning to identify our feelings helps us recognize the state of our relationships. This is a very important first step, but it becomes even more meaningful when we are able to communicate how we feel to the people we interact with, since doing so increases the possibility of improving and transforming our relationships.

Communicating our thoughts and feelings is not always easy. However, if we do not express what we truly feel and think, we may experience anxiety, frustration, or helplessness. We may even put our health and our family, work, and romantic relationships at risk. For this reason, we believe that certain elements of assertive communication can help us achieve this goal.

But what exactly is assertive communication? This concept refers to the ability to express our wishes and opinions confidently and honestly, in a direct and respectful manner. It involves knowing how to say yes or no according to what we think and feel.

As you have probably heard, communication involves two people. For communication to take place, everyone involved must be willing to talk about what they think and feel, but also to listen to what the other person has to say.

Some elements that can encourage assertive communication include:

• Remembering that body language and the volume of our voice are also part of the way we communicate and influence how the other person receives the message we want to convey.
• Not being afraid to express our opinions. Doing so is part of loving and taking care of ourselves.
• Listening to what the other person has to say and trying to put ourselves in their shoes when negotiating, while making sure that the negotiation respects what we want.
• Being direct and clear, avoiding indirect or hidden messages.
• Communicating with respect toward the other person.

Benefits of Assertive Communication

• It helps build stronger and more loving relationships.
• It increases our self-esteem and confidence by helping us realize that we are capable of expressing what we think.
• It strengthens respect for ourselves and for others.
• It makes us feel better than if we had kept our thoughts and feelings to ourselves.

Learning to negotiate means giving a voice to what we think and feel, while also learning to have conversations in which we listen to what other people think and feel. This allows us to reach agreements that everyone involved feels comfortable with. When interacting with others, negotiation can provide an opportunity to try new experiences, as long as those experiences make you feel good.

To Negotiate Successfully, It Is Necessary To:

• Recognize what you think and how you feel about a particular situation.
• Clearly explain what you need or what you would like to happen or change.
• Listen to what the other person has to say.
• Keep in mind what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not.
• Try to reach agreements that do not negatively affect either party and, instead, allow everyone to feel comfortable.
• Remember that there are certain things only you can decide for yourself.

It is important to point out that not all negotiations end with an agreement that makes everyone involved feel good. We must learn to recognize this so that we do not hurt others or allow others to hurt us.

Recognizing personal boundaries is essential to understanding which things are non-negotiable, such as the use of violence or giving up your individuality. It is important to remember that no negotiation should ever take priority over your personal well-being and independence.

Parenting Adolescents

The teenage years have a lot in common with the terrible twos. During both stages, our children do new and exciting things, but they also insist on pushing boundaries and may react with tantrums.

The main developmental task facing both age groups is also the same: children must begin to separate from their parents and establish their own independence. It is no wonder that they sometimes behave as though they believe they are the center of the universe.

This makes parenting challenging, especially because teenagers begin making decisions about things that have real consequences, such as school, friendships, and driving, not to mention substance use and sex. However, they are still not very good at regulating their emotions, which makes them more likely to take risks and make impulsive decisions.

This means that having a healthy, trusting relationship between parents and children is more important than ever during adolescence.

However, staying close is not easy. Teenagers are not usually very friendly when they feel their parents are interfering in their lives. Although they may be an open book with their friends, constantly communicating through text messages and social media, they might become completely silent when their mother asks how their day went.

A request that might seem reasonable to a parent could be perceived by a teenager as a serious invasion of privacy.

If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath and remember that your child is going through the challenging teenage years. This is a phase that will pass, and your role as a parent is still extremely important, although it may have changed slightly.

Here are some recommendations:

1. Listen.

If you are curious about what is happening in your teenager's life, asking direct questions may not be as effective as simply sitting down and listening.

Children are more likely to open up to their parents when they do not feel pressured to share information. Remember that even a casual comment about something that happened during the day is their way of communicating.

You are more likely to hear more if you remain open and interested without being intrusive.

2. Validate Their Feelings.

We often tend to try to solve our children's problems or minimize their disappointments.

However, saying something like, "She wasn't right for you anyway," after a romantic disappointment can feel dismissive.

Instead, show your children that you understand them and empathize with their feelings by saying something like, "Oh, that sounds really difficult."

3. Show Trust.

Teenagers want to be taken seriously, especially by their parents. Look for ways to show your teenager that you trust them.

Asking them for a favor demonstrates that you trust them. Voluntarily offering them a privilege shows that you believe they can handle the responsibility.

Letting your child know that you have faith in them will increase their confidence and encourage them to rise to the occasion.

4. Don't Be a Dictator.

You can still establish rules, but be prepared to explain them.

Although pushing boundaries is a natural part of adolescence, carefully explaining why parties are not allowed on school nights can help teenagers understand that the rule is reasonable.

5. Offer Praise and Encouragement.

Parents tend to praise their children more when they are younger, but teenagers need that same reinforcement of their self-esteem.

Teenagers may act as though they are too cool to care about what their parents think, but the truth is that they still want their parents' approval.

Looking for opportunities to be positive and encouraging is also good for your relationship, especially when things feel tense.

6. Manage the Way You Express Your Emotions.

It is easy to lose your temper when your teenager is being rude, but do not respond in the same way.

Remember that you are the adult and that teenagers have a more limited ability to control their emotions or think logically when they are upset.

Count to ten or take a deep breath before responding. If both of you are too upset to talk, take a break until you have had a chance to calm down.

7. Spend Time Together.

Talking is not the only way to communicate. During these years, it is especially beneficial to spend time doing activities that you both enjoy, whether that means cooking, going hiking, or going to the movies, without discussing anything personal.

It is important for children to know that they can be around you and share positive experiences without having to worry that you will ask intrusive questions or criticize them for something.

8. Share Regular Family Meals.

Sitting down and eating together as a family is another excellent way to stay connected.

Conversations during dinner give every family member an opportunity to casually talk about sports, television, or politics.

Children who feel comfortable talking with their parents about everyday things are more likely to open up when more difficult situations arise.

One rule: No phones allowed.

9. Be Observant.

It is normal for children to experience certain changes as they mature. However, pay attention if you notice changes in their mood, behavior, energy levels, or appetite.

Similarly, take note if they stop wanting to do things that used to make them happy or if you notice that they are becoming isolated.

If you notice a change in their daily functioning or performance, ask them about it and offer support without judging them.