WHY IS GOING TO THERAPY HARD?

Why is going to therapy hard even if I know it is good for me?

A friend was recently telling me that every time she has a therapy appointment coming up she finds herself wanting to avoid it. She shared that she often feels a bit scared and anxious about her upcoming sessions even though she finds them very helpful and usually feels better about it. These same feelings can keep people from seeking out help when they are trying to find a therapist for the first time. So why does this happen and is it normal?

The first thing to know is that this feeling is often a form of resistance and it is very common. In psychology, resistance is generally viewed as the opposition to the therapeutic process, even if we know it might help us. And this is because therapy can feel uncomfortable. For most people therapy sessions bring up a lot of emotions. Sometimes therapy also has us think and talk about difficult, sad, embarrassing, or even scary experiences. It is often not fun to have to think about things that make us feel bad. So when we are faced with an upcoming session that we know will make us vulnerable we might feel a little apprehensive. The first step in overcoming this is knowing that it happens. The second step requires working with your therapist to overcome the apprehension. For many people having a treat after therapy can help make the process easier.

Trusting the process can be helped by having a good relationship with your therapist. We care and want you to find therapy helpful. I want to know the things that make you uncomfortable so that we can decide if they can be changed or if it is a necessary discomfort for growth. That is a collaborative choice because you are the expert on yourself. Though your therapist may challenge you and might give you insights that are hard processes, you should not feel invalidated by them. Feeling nervous to see your therapist is not the same as distrusting your therapist. Therapy can be hard but it should not feel unsafe. If you feel that you cannot trust your therapist then they might not be the therapist for you. You should also know that if you do not like an approach your therapist is taking or if they say something that does not sit right with you, you can and should talk to them about it. Therapists are human so we make mistakes so you can let your therapist know if something isn’t working for you. If you feel like your therapist is not right for you, that does not mean therapy is not right for you. Sometimes it is not a good client/therapist fit, this can happen for a lot of reasons. If you feel like this has happened you can try and find a different one.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to feeling nervous about therapy is that growth often happens right outside of our comfort zone. Change is hard but not impossible. And if you are wondering if it is the right time to start therapy…it probably is, at least it is worth a conversation.