Showing Them You Care

We live in a society in which everything is so fast paced, that we at times have a hard time making time for the things that are the most important to us. How many of us have missed those special moments with our loved ones because of a deadline at work or because we are too tired to interact with each other? Or how many of us have gotten too stuck in the technology or social world that we are not able to see what the people infront of us really need? We are very aware of what our friends on social media are doing, however when the time comes for us to disconnect and have quality time with our family and friends, it becomes a hard task at hand. Think about it...when was the last time that you and your loved ones actually sat around and talked without having some form of electronics being present (tv, playstation, phone, etc)? Or the last time that you went out without having the need to check into a social media site while you’re at a lunch or dinner? Or when was the last time you just sat down to get to know some of the important things that are going on in your kids’ or family’s lives? Something that could be done to better enhance this moment would be to have a “power hour” in which no electronics are allowed for that hour. This can be done over dinner, and the person that gets the phone first, washes dishes for example or it can be done on a date night with your significant other, or with a group of friends. This is done to have quality time with each other and to not take those special moments for granted and it allows for the family to better know each other.

As parents, this is especially important because you have to constantly be aware of what your kids are doing and how they are being affected by what is around them. Who are they connecting with? Are they happy in their class, are they getting along with their friends? Are they being bullied? What do they want to be when they grow up, etc? However, how many parents are actually sitting with their kids and asking the question: is there anything that you need from me? This is not a question based on materialistic things, but more so about what they need emotionally from you. Do they need you to start listening to them more? Do they need you to change the delivery of what you say to them so that they dont get anxious when you yell at them? Do they need more support? More affection, etc?

By asking this question, you are showing your kids and spouses that you love them and care about their voice and at the same time you’re showing them that you’re only human and are able to make mistakes. I’ve noticed that these types of questions greatly help family members because by being able to understand what you need, you are able to ask for it and it better enhances the relationship. For example, when talking to families I often ask, how does mom or dad show you that they love you? How do you show someone that you love them? Often times i’ll get answers like “they tell me,” “they hug me, kiss me, etc.” BUT more times than not, I get the “i dont know...i just know.” It’s important to note that just because we show love in a specific way, it doesnt mean that it’s perceived in that way. Loving someone doesnt just mean saying the words. It can also be present by saying, “please text me when your flight gets in,” or “dont forget to take the sweater since we’re getting a cold front” or by picking up their favorite candy from store. Also, loving someone may not just be about what you need them to understand. For example, even in your busy schedule, are you going to the basketball games, spelling bees, dance recitals? If so, are you fully present? I say this because trust me when I say that your kids are noticing it. It’s up to us as adults to be the best version of ourselves because you never know who is watching you or following own ways. Please never take those moments for granted because one day you will look back and think “why didnt i change this?” Be able to change these small things now that you have a chance to.