Resilience In Middle Age

I recently read an article from the New York Times about building resilience in Midlife. Read More (opens in a new tab). I was excited to see this article because I did a lot of research on resilience when I was in graduate school. The idea of resilience is that some people are able to bounce back even when bad things happen. Well, some people, sometimes! We all have a breaking point and sometimes we reach it and it’s very very hard to bounce back. But I think we can build a “habit” of resilience by doing a few things regularly. Tara Parker-Pope suggests: 1) Practice Optimism; 2) Rewrite Your Story; 3) Don’t Personalize It; 4) Remember Your Comebacks; 5) Support Others; 6) Take Stress Breaks; and 7) Go Out of Your Comfort Zone.

I think all of these are great advice, but the one that struck me the most was to go out of your comfort zone. I hate this advice! Because I like being comfortable! I like having my little routines and schedules, e.g. make breakfast on Saturday morning, start the laundry, clean the kitchen, straighten the house, etc. I like my Saturdays to be very predictable. But if I had not gone out of my comfort zone, I would not be doing some things that have been really helpful to my middle life! About a year ago I went a yoga class for the first time ever. I was scared to death. I am not a physical person and I was always the last person chosen in PE in elementary school, so I really didn’t want to go! But I went anyway. And it was so helpful. I learned so many things about myself and about yoga and my very interesting yoga instructor taught me about meditation and provided a class that taught me how to really meditate instead of pretending to meditate! Because we all know we should meditate, right! And I also forced myself to go to a book club on meetup.com. I was also scared about that! But it’s been such a lovely addition to my life and I have met many friends there. Another thing I didn’t want to do was go to a small group at my place of worship. A singles small group. I was scared. I thought it would be weird. I thought I wouldn’t have anything in common with the other people. I was so wrong! It has been such a delight! And again I’ve met some very cool people, not what I thought at all. So. Here’s what I’ve learned: If it’s really hard and you’re really scared, do it anyway! Get out of your comfort zone! After you get out of it once, then it’s not so uncomfortable anymore. The experience may build your resilience so when life throws hard things at you, you’ll be emotionally and physically ready for them. And, most important, you’ll meet interesting people and have more fun. Danielle Hale, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist