REKINDLING LOVE

For most of us, this year may look a little different when it comes to celebrating. But just because we are staying safe does not mean we can’t have a great time with our partners. This Valentine’s take some time to get to know each other better and to see how you can improve your relationship. Below I offer five ideas that you can use to improve different aspects of your relationship.

1. Figure out each other’s love language: Gary Chapman has published extensively about the 5 love languages, and since then many others have written about them too. The five love languages are words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Most of us tend to give and receive love primarily within one of these forms (sometimes we use more than one). The interesting thing is that sometimes we give and receive love in different ways. Finding how you and your partner prefer to give and receive love can help you choose how you show affection. If for example, you know that your partner enjoys quality time the most, then make an effort to give them some time of your undivided attention. If it is acts of service maybe try doing some extra chores without them needing to ask. If words of affirmation are your cup of tea make sure to share say how much you love the other person and tell them how much they mean to you (compliments are also great!). There are so many different approaches to showing love, try and pick your partner’s favorite they will be sure to appreciate it.

2. Engage in a shared activity: Sometimes partners (especially those that live together) spend time around each other instead of with each other. While this can be a sign of a healthy relationship it can also be nice to be intentional about re-connecting. Pick a project either that you both like or maybe something new and work on it together. It could be as big as building a new piece of furniture or as small as baking a cake. The idea is to have time to have your attention focused on a shared task. The bonus is that at the end you will either have a completed project to enjoy or a great fun story about why it did not work.

3. Pretend it is your first date: We all change as time passes. In relationships, we hopefully change together. Going on a pretend first date can be a great way to re-ignite the excitement of getting to know a new person for the first time. So, dress up and get ready (even if you are staying at home). Ask each other the same kind of questions you would when you first meet. Perhaps most importantly listen to the answers as though it was the first time you were hearing them. Ask about each other’s family, see how they describe all the people that you might now know (including your kids if you have any). This is a great way to enhance communication in a fun and exciting way.

4. List reasons for love: While some may see Valentines as cheesy or maybe a corporate ploy to get you to buy cards and chocolate, there can also be something beautiful about taking a day to acknowledge love. When it comes to our partners it can be equally impactful to take some time to write out or list the many reasons you love them. These can be abstract like their kindness or more specific like the way they make you the perfect cup of coffee. Showing your partner that you see all the many ways in which they are lovable can help them feel more loved and help you feel more in love.

5. Play games together: whether it be board games, cards, corn hole, or basketball playing a friendly game together will bring out your sense of friendly competition and fun. Games are a good way of being silly together. Games are a good stress reliever and a great way to spend quality time. Getting to play and be silly will make for memorable sweet moments to look back on later.

Most important of all remember to take stock of the things that make you grateful for your partner. Experiencing gratitude is a great way to foster love. It is a practice we can extend way past valentines.

As an aside, all of these tips can be modified for platonic relationships. They can be great ways to build a bond with friends, and family. Just exchange the first date for playing 20 questions, you can still dress up and have fun.