Getting through the Holidays with Grace

Are you worried about getting through the holidays? Feeling like everybody around you is happy, but you? Then keep reading. Sometimes it seems like everybody else has happy family plans and is excited about the hustle and bustle of shopping during the holidays, but for some of us, the whole holiday thing is overrated. Maybe you’re stressed about how much it’s going to cost, or maybe you are missing somebody special that you would like to spend the holidays with, maybe the stress of getting everything right is just too much, or maybe you know you’re going to have to see family members that make you angry and upset or maybe it’s all of the above or something else entirely. Let’s talk about what we can do to find some peace and maybe even a little bit of joy.

One thing you can try is to set some boundaries around how much time, energy, or money you’re going to spend doing this or that so you don’t burn yourself out. We all have limited amounts of physical and emotional energy and if we use it all up cooking, we won’t have any left for visiting with family, or shopping or the rest. So give it some thought ahead of time. Limit the cooking to those dishes you really love and delegate the rest to someone else or to the neighborhood grocery store. Limit how many hours you’re going to spend doing Black Friday shopping on Thursday or Friday or Saturday. You might miss few sales, but enjoying a special moment with one of your favorite people will give you energy instead of subtracting from it. We also may have to limit the amount of money we spend during this time. It’s easy to get caught up in our materialistic culture and to feel guilty if we can’t buy our loved one those things we think they need or want. Remind yourself that in the end what we all need most from each other is emotional support. We need someone to listen and to care about us and maybe even help us out physically once in awhile. Consider what it is you really want and you’ll probably discover that it’s not some expensive gift. If that’s true for you, it’s probably true for others. The only thing we have unlimited amounts of is love! The thing we all want most and we have lots and lots of it to go around! How amazing is that!

If some of your family members get on your nerves, limit how much time you’re going to spend with them. An hour or two having dinner with gratitude and kindness is better than 6 hours or 2 days of arguing and fighting. Remember that people are who they are. Aunt Jane and Uncle Sylvester are not likely to have changed in the months since you saw them last. Aunt Jane is probably still way too cheerful and Uncle Sylvester is probably still negative and cutting with every remark he makes. Ah well. Give it up. You can’t change them. But you don’t have to let them get to you and ruin your mood either. You have power to control how you think and feel. They have no power over you. Remember that sometimes when people are irritating, it may be because they remind us of ourselves! Or it may be that they’re hurting and sad inside and all the prickles on the outside are just their way of protecting themselves. If they are being mean to you, they are probably mean to everybody and think about how difficult that makes their life. Practice compassion for them and for yourself. Be kind always.

If you’re missing someone who has died or moved away from your life or is not able to be with you, think of a way to remember them with kindness and love. Send them love and kindness wherever they are by doing something that they would enjoy or have a special remembrance table or dish or picture or set a chair in the corner of the room and imagine them there with you. What would they say? What would they do? What joke would they make? What music would they play or song would they sing? Don’t fight against the memories, welcome them in. Be grateful that person has been in your life. Let yourself cry if you need to or laugh if you are able at some funny memory the two of you shared. Love is a good and rare thing.

Most of all, take care of yourself. Be kind and compassionate with all your stresses and irritations and limitations. You are human too after all. Take time for a walk with the youngest or the oldest. Enjoy the good smells. Feel the cool air. Notice the clouds and the trees. Take some deep breaths. Be present in the moment. Things will work themselves out. They always do. One way or another. You’re ok right now.